The Upside of Acceptance

I used to be a snob. Yes, believe it. Funny thing is, it actually came from a fear of being inferior, rather than an actual belief in my “superiority”.

What’s so bad about that, you ask? Being the competitive/snobby person that I was, I believed that I was, naturally, the best at everything. So, when I was sixteen (a whopping 5 years ago) I started getting input that proved the contrary. I didn’t do as well as my peers, academically speaking, I only got commendations instead of actually placing at the Eisteddfods … but mostly, my personal relationships were, to be honest, superficial and unsatisfying.

I used to tell myself that I wasn’t being snobby or prideful, I simply believed in myself. Yeah, that didn’t work for very long.

The whole point to my telling you this story is that we often do things out of fear, rather than a true belief in our own volition and ability. Martha Beck calls it “running away from fear” rather than “running toward love” (that is, love for yourself and wanting the best for yourself). Or, more simply put – you are driving, not striving towards what is best for you.

Consciously acting out of feelings of love, rather than fear can change your life (wow, big statement! But its true). It’s a change in mindset that allows you to accept who you are, and come to appreciate the person staring back at you in the mirror ( unless of course that isn’t you, which would be seriously disturbing).

Accepting ourselves is key to becoming a fuller, happier person. How can you expect to win at life when you are constantly warring with yourself?

Accepting our flaws doesn’t give us a free pass, though. You still need to work at them, but out of love for yourself rather than out of fear for not “being good enough”.

Now, I’m not really into self-affirmation and all that jazz, but I do suggest telling yourself that you are a great person. Words do influence us, as Foucault so concretely demonstrated. When we change our self-speak from negative to positive, we start treating ourselves better and we start truly believing in ourselves. We begin to strive.

Okay, enough with all the feel good fluff! Remember: If you can’t love anybody else, love yourself!

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