Lines in the Sand

I love Dr. Phil-isms … I think the only one I have not been able to mock endlessly  has to be “you teach people how to treat you”.

That’s because its true. If you are willing to take crap from people, then expect them to give you crap, because you are telling them that its okay (albeit non-verbally). You can’t expect people to know how you want to be treated.

And its a fallacy that you should treat people the way you want to be treated. You might be willing to put up with a load of nonsense, while someone else may not. So treating that person the way you’d like to be treated really isn’t working for that person. Treat people the way they want to be treated. And let them know how you would like to be treated.

Communication is key in setting boundaries. The communication may not be verbal, but then it takes longer for the other party to realise that you are not a happy camper.

So, in setting boundaries you are teaching people how to treat you. But how does one set boundaries?

Firstly, you need to be clear on exactly how you expect to be treated. You can’t teach someone how to treat you if you don’t know how you want to be treated.

Secondly, don’t be afraid to speak up when someone is treating you differently than what you’d like. Do it in a manner that preserves both your and the other person’s sense of dignity. It doesn’t have to be a formal reprimand, I find that a simple “Are you flexing your I’m-a-jerk muscle?” seems to work quite nicely with my brother.

Lastly, be consistent in enforcing these boundaries. People only remember how you are to be treated when they’ve been conditioned to treat you in a specific way. If you let them get away with it, then don’t expect improvement.

Everyone deserves to be treated in the way they want, so pay it forward! And remember your behaviour determines others’ behaviour towards you.

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